The other day, I said that I was working on two I ams. The first was changing I am unclear to I am a work in progress. Thanks Chie and Russ for your change comments, and I totally agree with you. Right now, I’m doing exactly what you’ve advised – be open to opportunities. Chie, so you think my confusion is part of my roadmap? That’s actually a relief to hear!
Anyway, here’s my second I am that makes me feel albeit unhappy when I hear it. Whenever I’m asked “do you have a boyfriend / how’s your love life / any plans for marriage?” and I reply, “I am single”, again I feel the big Loser instinct. Especially, most especially, when the follow up question is “bakit?”.
Call it a defense mechanism, denial, nuts, or (hopefully) complete honesty, when I reply “I’m happy where I am” or “I’m working on me”. (Heck, I can even say, I’m a work in progress! :P) Which, by the way, are my current replies.
Truthfully, I don’t know what the real score is. Maybe it’s because I’m picky. Or a b!tch. Or even un-pretty. Personally, I feel it’s closer to not being ready (but I’ve been told that that sounds like another denial). Whatever it is, by saying I’m single, leads to a series of questions, and a series of doubtful “okays” which yes, puts me on my defensive mode. What’s wrong with being single?
Again, it’s Kate’s emails asking me to label things good. Don’t get me wrong, the I’m single isn’t bad. It’s just the emotional attachment on reactions I have on it that makes me feel unhappy, thus bad. Also, I enjoy my status. I love being single. Not to say that I don’t want to be in a relationship. It’s just that I enjoy where I am. Does that make sense?
So I’ve also changed my emotional affirmation on it. Instead of declaring that I’m single, I’m now changing it to “I’m between boyfriends“. And just like “I’m a work in progress”, when I first declared it out loud, it tickled me. It made me smile. It made me feel, well not very big-Loser kind of way.
Because, by saying I’m between boyfriends, I’m also saying:
- I’m open to new relationships;
- I’m open to dating;
- I’m enjoying singlehood, but I’m also on the look out of something better;
- I’m enjoying friendship with men;
- I can have friends;
- I can take honesty – what works? What doesn’t?;
- I’m not afraid to commit;
- I’m not sitting and waiting. I’m out looking. Every guy I meet, I evaluate what I have to offer, what the other person has to offer.
*** These is my personal meaning to between boyfriends. This affirmation may not work for you, but it works for me. 🙂