During a chat conversation the other day with a friend, when I asked “how are you?”, instead of the regular “I’m okay”, he answered, complete with a sad face “Sad. My spirit is low.” Alarmed, I asked why. He said that he was doing so many things, and he was tired of what he was doing. So I asked what that was. And he replied with “Same old shit I’ve been doing. I want whatever he’s doing – being human”.
It’s funny how so many of us get trapped into the same old shit and that seeing someone living life will fuel our jealousy and longing and wishing to be “just like him/her/you/them”. By seeing what we’ve secretly want to always do in others, it makes our excuses for not doing it so much bigger because of how hard it is to get out of that comfort zone. But at the same time, maybe it’s exactly what we need to see.
I’ve made a few realizations. And some of you may have realized this already, but me, this is still very recent. You see, I’ve always been working on my career growth. And sometimes it came with a price by living just for that. It wasn’t even a money thing. It was because, that’s all I know to do. So that’s what I’ll be doing. I was too comfortable with working, that at a certain point, I wasn’t really living for anything else.
The moment it hit me, when I said “I wish I’m living life“, did I realize that wherever I was right now, is not yet “it”. My work life, however satisfaction it gave me to an extent, didn’t seem to support my personal growth. And as soon as the realization hit me, I was ready to quit my job then and there. (Of course it didn’t happen as fast as I’d want it to be. There were still obligations to accomplish, and plans to make.)
So the moment I was jobless and not expecting any income for the coming month, I didn’t think of “where will I get my next paycheck?”, the question I asked myself was “what’s my next adventure?” I knew that I was on the right track.
Not to say that I regret my decisions in the past. I tend to believe that because of the gutsy decisions I’ve made, I’m more confident now, more matured, and can now take risks to get me the balance of the good job and at the same time go after my personal happiness. My La Union weekend proved to me that yes, this is the life. And how I wish that every weekend is going to be a getaway from now on.