This one’s for you and you and you… you know who you are…
Handling a Break Up Without
by Jennifer Good
Your whole world can suddenly seem turned upside down when you learn the sad reality that the love you thought was forever is now over. It’s like unexpectedly being doused with an icy cold bucket of water. You’re instantly forced to look at everything differently and realize your day to day life will no longer include the one you love. However, the key to holding onto any type of future relationship with this person is keeping your dignity and grace during your time of discomfort and pain.
You may not be thinking about it now, but a great friendship could still develop out of this relationship. You cared for them enough to enter into a romantic relationship, so it stands to reason they just might make a great friend in the future. The way you react or act during this period will determine the likelihood of this.
If in fact, you are going through a break up right now, keep in mind these tips for keeping a level head.
1. Don’t initiate contact for at least two weeks. If they call you, keep the conversation short and do NOT rehash what went wrong.
2. If you feel you must say something to them; go buy a journal and write down everything you are feeling and want to say. Even go so far as to address the letter to them, however, do NOT mail it. This is just a vessel for getting your thoughts out. Trust me; you’ll be glad you kept your thoughts to yourself someday!
3. Make sure to express your gratitude about having the opportunity to share so many pleasant memories with them. Wish them well with whatever future may be in store for them.
4. Do not spend hours upon hours deliberating by yourself or with friends about what could have gone wrong. It isn’t healthy to dwell on the past or the negative. If you need to powwow with friends, focus on doing creative or action-oriented things to keep your mind busy.
5. As soon as you are able to, start shifting your focus to your new life. You’ve just been given a new opportunity to start on a new path. What will it be? Take this time to do something you’ve always wanted, but just didn’t get to while you were with your ex.
6. Accept responsibility that you contributed to the demise of the relationship, however, that it was also a two-way street. There’s no need to dwell on what each person “did” or “did not” do. Assess for yourself what relationship areas you could probably address for future relationships and make a commitment to do something about it.
7. If your ex wants to give the relationship another chance, don’t say yes immediately. Take some time to really gauge whether the original problems have been handled. If they haven’t, it will only be a matter of time before you’re going through all of this again.
8. If your ex is already seeing someone new, try your best to avoid seeing them together. Take comfort in the knowledge that if they were interested enough to date someone else, they were never your Mr. or Ms. Right! That means your perfect someone is still out there waiting to be found.